Thanks For: Old Men Who Fall Asleep During Meetings

Dear Spiffy Elderly Gentleman,

I saw you. You were sitting right behind the COO¬†and I saw you fall asleep for 10 minutes during the last staff meeting. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Actually I applaud your seating placement, that was prime real estate for subtle sleeping without anyone who has actual firing powers seeing you. Just little ol’ newbie me and some of the accounting folks.

Maybe they didn’t even notice, there were budgety number up on the screen and accounting folks love that jazz.

So maybe it’s our little secret. But your eyes were definitely closed, your head was drooped, and you were doing the head-bounce thing where you no you shouldn’t fall asleep but can’t quite help it. Eyes close. Head up. Head slowly drops. Yes, sleep. Sleep would be good. 1 sheep, 2 sheep, red sheep, blue sheep. NO! MEETING! Head jerks back up.

Restart.

It’s precious. Even better it was entertaining. Clearly you were having a rough day sir and I’m glad that you didn’t get caught napping which would have made everything worse.

Do you know that I know? I think so. Your smile gave it away. So thanks for the head bobbing entertainment. Thanks for the secret. Thanks for reminding me that meetings, while they have their benefits, aren’t always the best way to communicate with your staff. That’s a lesson I can take with me.

Sleep on sir,

Aria

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Thanks For: ‘No I’m Not Asleep During the Movie My Eyes are Just Closed and I’m Snoring’ Fathers

Dear Snoring but not apparently not asleep Father,

If it snores like a sleeping person, if it’s eyes are closed like a sleeping person, if it reclines in the cushy chairs like a sleeping person – it’s a sleeping person. Namely you Father. Sleeping. Again. During a movie ‘that you really wanted to watch’. Really? Are you sure? Because you took your glasses off and everything, they didn’t just fall off your face.

You fall asleep during basically any movie. It’s okay, I’ve gotten used to it. But you’re adorably deffensive about how you definitely were not sleeping. I poked you and you didn’t move. You are asleep. The movie was Brave which you were only watching because your twenty something extremely mature daughter wanted to watch a Princess movie and you were bound and determined to have father daughter mother bonding time. There were bears. That makes it manly.

But Dad, it’s not just the Princess movies. You feel asleep during Transformers. Granted, limited plot but those explosions should keep you up. Not head bobbing like someone who hates candy apples. There is no genre of movie you don’t fall asleep for. The Dark Knight. THE DARK KNIGHT. Heath Ledger’s Joker. Batman. Explosions. You were snoozing.

Sigh. But because I love you, I choose to make this a thankfulness. You’re clearly exhausted. I’m glad you’re getting sleep somewhere. And I’m thankful that you’re clearly exhausted and still determined to do family activities. Even if that means Mom, Hedgehog, and I watch a movie while you fall asleep beside us.

You’re trying. I’m thankful for a dad who tries.

Aria

PS We’re watching Frozen next weekend. Please be prepared to be poked and prodded until Let it Go is over. Because I love you I demand that you not miss it. Then you may snooze.