Thanks For: Big Little Brothers Who Steal Showers

Dear Younger but Taller Brother aka Hedgehog,

As your elder and wiser sister there’s a rule that I will always love and feel protective of you. However, stop persisting in taking over MY bathroom right WHEN I HAVE TO PEE SO BAD. I do recall that technically it’s our bathroom but you’ve been back to school and moved out for a couple of months now and I feel that realistically I should now own 80% of the bathroom time. Now that you’re home for reading week, I feel I need to remind you of a few ground rules.

Especially due to optimal bathroom time. For example, first thing in the morning when I wake up (to go to work, not lounge about all day like you) please VACATE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I have timed my wake-up to match the maximum bladder allowance and i really really really need to pee. You know what I can’t do if you’re in there shaving? Pee.

And honestly, you have basically no facial hair. Plus it’s blonde. You do not need to shave more than one a week. I promise you’re still manly. Adorably manly.

Also, in regards to the shower. Places wet towels do not belong include:

on the floor If you keep doing this mother will kill you. with love. but you’ll be dead.

on the shower floor You do this so that mother won’t see it. I applaud. But you know who sees it? Me. I will kill you. with love.

hanging over the shower directly before I’m about to shower Your butt was on that towel. I do not want to touch it. This is simple. Especially because it’s wet and so many germs.

draped over the toilet Just a hint, someone may want to use that. Also, girls sit. Wet toilet seats are not things we want to sit upon.

in the bathroom sink Under what circumstance could this EVER belong here?

in the drawers under the bathroom sink Why do you think I won’t find it here? I keep my shampoo/conditioner/etc in that drawer

Please attempt to put the wet towels directly into the laundry where they belong.

However, because I’m your elder sister. Welcome home. I’m thankful for your existence in spite of all of these things. I’ll even let you get away with using my body wash. I respect your desire to smell like cucumber melon or shea butter.

With necessary sibling love,

Aria

PS – WOULD IT KILL YOU TO CHANGE THE TOILET PAPER WHEN IT’S EMPTY?!?

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