Thanks For: I Never Doubt Myself So Much as When I’m in the Make-Up Aisle

Dear Namer of Makeup,

What in the blue blazes is the colour starlight dark? That’s not a colour, it’s multiple colours. Are you telling me that this stick of eyeliner is dark with white flecks? Is it a mix of dark blue sky and yellow stars mixed into one colour? Did you literally manage to bottle the starlight dark so I can smear it by my eyelashes to look moderately presentable at work? I have no idea.

Basically the whole situation is hilarious. Thank you.

Best of all, the tube itself is grey. So starlight dark is maybe a fancy way of saying grey. After all the conveniently labeled ‘noir’, which sounds fancy but is essentially just ‘black’ in french, is in a black tube. The maiden’s kiss tube is red. Although there’s no reason for a maiden’s kiss to be red as it’s an intangible thing I get that you perceive it to be red. More relevantly, why do I want a maiden’s kiss smeared across my eyelids? Is there a problem with a crone’s kiss? Why a kiss at all?

These are the important questions.

Someone somewhere has the job of ‘find 100 ways to say red without actually using the word red’. They’re brilliant. I am admire their creativity. However, as a consumer this fills me with so much doubt. Do I need

– maiden’s kiss

– flaming lust

– vibrant pomegranate

– pale blush

– serial killer remnants

– fresh period

– picked at pimple

– smushed tomato

Clearly I’m quite good at this and someone should hire me.

Ultimately I bought both noir (black) and starlight dark (hopefully grey) simply because I couldn’t handle the mystery. Well I plopped some starlight dark eyeliner on this morning and guess what?

Dark grey with silver sparkles.

Sure, it makes perfect sense IN RETROSPECT. Now I’ve got to walk around work all sparkly. All sparkly things should contain a warning “MAY CONTAIN SPARKLES”

However, you made me smile and gave me a mystery. So thanks,



3 thoughts on “Thanks For: I Never Doubt Myself So Much as When I’m in the Make-Up Aisle

  1. I’ve never understood the amount of colors in life in general. I know red, pink, blue, green, orange, purple. Any of those other colors are just shades of these. Who is the one that determined what seafoam green is?


    • Plus seafoam seems so relative. There are a hundred different blues in the sea. Even greens. We could all just stick to using computer language for colours to increase accuracy. “Ah yes, the ocean is a lovely #8EEBEC today.” (apparently that’s blue lagoon)


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