I’m only supposed to be concerned with the question of if cities on this infinitely long list are below or above Muskoka. That’s it. Note the word supposed. Because despite that facts that this could get horribly monotonous and that I have no real sense of Ontario geography, the names of these towns are making up for everything. Let me give you some highlights:
Flesherton: Because the first thing I would do is name my town after human skin, invoking images of a town of cannibals.* (I’m sure you’re all lovely)
Coldwater: First I was all sarcastic, “They really dug deep for the name here. Oh, the water’s cold. Good enough”. Ironically on the map, you are not directly touching the coldwater of the Georgian Bay. Therefore there must be a story. I would like to know it.
Mattawa: Like Ottawa but completely composed of people named Matt.
Lively: I am coming up North to party. There better always be a party.
Orangeville: The town is not orange nor do they grow oranges. I am confused. Perhaps you are full of Dutch people? They like orange.
Seaforth: I’m not that bad at georgraphy. There are no seas in Ontario. The best you’ve got is the Great Lakes – please rename to Lakeforth for geographical accuracy.
Lucknow: I may party in Lively but I’m moving here.
Wikiwemikong: Too long, did not read. Could not pronounce
Etobicoke: It’s like someone just chucked a bunched of letter together and said, you don’t pronounce it how it looks. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ilderton: Great for slackers
Mississauga: Mississippi’s slightly challenged second cousin
Bull Semen: The person who made this list accidentally switched the company description and city name. I’m going to roll with it.
Feversham: Everyone is faking ailments
Grimsby: Not quite so much a party. Who decided to name their city after frowning? Must have been a top notch guy.
Ayr: Because Air is too mainstream
So thank you city names and city namers for keeping this list of muskoka-relativity fun and exciting.